EfialtisAmiracle

I just realized the past year I've used it to bitch every time I was sad.
But I'm a really happy person, I swear.
Also an update is needed!
I love each and everyone that takes time out of their day to favourite a picture of mine.
I've been working hard at art school, and hopefully you all like it.
I love you all a lot, thanks for being so generous in your compliments and critiques. :]

I dunno, lately I've been having mood swings, it could be hormones.
But I've just been really lonely, well, I have this special guy to talk to be at night, and help me fall asleep, but when he's not there, it's like...not death, but a hollowness to being alone all the time. I mean, I enjoy solitude, but there is something wrong to the solitude that's been nagging at me lately. It's loneliness. I always feel like I need my safety blanket, but I do realize I'm strong enough to live without the support of others. It's just that...I noticed all of my old confidants are slowly leaving me. I guess that's the price of getting into relationships, you always have solitude with your partner. I guess I was the same way at some point, but it kinda hurts. I have certain friends who are too fucking intoxicated by the party life that they're never realizing that they're playing with their future, rather than thinking ahead at what can they do for themselves, they think of what they can do to fit in with others.
I'm scared of losing the people I love, I'm scared of growing up, but that's inevitable right?
It's an inevitibility to lose people you love, it's fate to be hurt.
It hurts, I don't want to be alone, to be forgotten. I liked it when things were simpler, when things never hurt, and all I did was dream about what was going to happen next.
I've lost so many people before, I can't lose the people I count on to make me laugh, to make me smile, I can't lose them. I guess it's just my hormones or something, but...I don't know...I guess it's a cocktail of jealously, envy, hate, despair, lonliness, which makes me want to just bang my head against the wall, and cry about it in my pillow.
Growing up is lonely, isn't it?

I would like to say, that I am not dead, yes. :3
It's just my scanner is broken, and I have just not had the means to draw anything as of late.
ONTO my rant, let it also be known that I do not have intense problems, just the observations of people and occaisionally the incidents that happen to me.
I have those days were I just hate everyone, well...not everyone, but a lot of people make me angsty, to the point of I am angered every day, chewing my nails to the point of no return.

1. Lying/Honesty

Why do we need to lie? Keeping secrets safe to your grave, throwing the lie-filled dirt onto the casket that shall never be opened, hiding the dirty little secret under a pile of lies.
In all honesty, lying is alright in my book if to keep a secret between friends safe, so that prying ears cannot spread it with their mouths. Although lying to change or alter yourself so drastically is not alright, lying to someone you call your FRIEND is not alright, who are you to lie to my face, and then pretend it's alright? You are nothing, nothing but an insecure girl who doesn't know how to reach for help, do not size yourself up, because the true you is a better you than you make yourself out to be.I believe it's better to not have an extremely active social life, than to lie and size yourself up to the extreme, bragging about yourself until everyone is sick, and looks down upon your inflated, obtained ego.

2. Friendship/Loyalty
What is Loyalty to you? Do you expect your friend to be by your side for as long as you two can be friends?Or do you have double standards? Expecting them to stay at your side, yet not be there for them in the long run? Can you really stomach just looking in the mirror, watching your friend spiral into an abyss of depression from the death of her father, and you just moving onto a new best friend and pretend that she doesn't exist, can you really stomach that new fact about yourself? That you abandoned her? That makes me sick. It's not the fact you made a new best friend, because sometimes that just happens, but the fact that you don't want to be there for someone who was always there for you, and loved you through the hardest of times. She fucking loves you, and you abandoned her for a newer model of what your "best friend" should be, or rather a loyal fucking bitch to lick up and enjoy your shit of a friendship.

3. Staying true to your conviction
Just really, not much can be explained about this, I'm sure that many people understand that it's okay to not have learned of things, and to not having an active social life, because sometimes that's what makes you, you. You don't need to size yourself up to be something that you really don't need to be. It's okay to be unique, and imperfect, just be natural, let go of those stressors of "am I perfect? What will they think of me?" and just be you, it'll be much more appealing than what you're trying to be.

4.  Popularity
Popularity, the intoxication of being adored by many, and also a dangerous curse. A pressure to become something new, "the life of the party", getting drunk, doing drugs and often selling your soul for fame, giving your body to the new found intoxication of affection and attention. You see people drowning in it, yet there is nothing you can do, watching them with tears held back as they become something that sickens you, as they had promised that they would get on the right track and stay there so they could achieve great things, but now you watching them, someone you previously held close to your heart, someone you close to damn near wanted as yours, become a whore to the grabbing, greedy hands of attention, of "need to be popular" and  disgusting rituals that are shameful to even think of. God, where the hell did we go wrong? Where I found you disgusting now, and before I found you handsome? attractive to the eye, alluring and sweet to the ear, now....you're nothing to be proud of. I feel remorse for never being able to save you.

5. Flirting with multiple people
So many people do it, but my advice would be to be careful, although I know it can lead to being lead on, heart break, and a bunch of complicated shit, so I just...don't do it. I cannot fathom doing that anymore, although I do joke around, flirting is something I take seriously, because it can fuck with feelings. This girl takes boy's first kisses, and leads them on like a succubus until the point of frustration and then tells them "Oh, we were just flirting! I shouldn't lead into anything else" Who are you to take boy's innocence? May it be a kiss, it was his first, and you, with your mentality of what a relationship should be ruined it for him, because he expected more, and basically got a "How about no." in return for his innocence.


People are strange creatures.
/endrant.

With love,
Amira.

What the heck is going on?
1) People seriously make me angry, they way they only look for themselves in the circumstance of survival. Why do we constantly have to backstab each other? Hold on to the grudges that shouldn't matter? We're all guilty with the crime of disliking another, or despising one person's actions. (Of course I'm guilty of it as well.) But it's almost sickening how others can't just comment in person, without the nasty spider web of strings attached to speaking behind someone's back.  Just because you've known them for years on end, will never mean that you've been a true friend towards them, calling them every nasty word in the book without speaking to them in front of their face. Who are you to say something so nasty about another person without ever trying to back up your statement to them, and explain why you said that to them in brutal honesty, rather than having more drama and trying to tell them that you didn't. That just makes you less of an appealing person to the people around you.

2) Why are drugs so enticing to the mind? The allure of leaving reality to a brief moment of happiness, allowing the stress of the day to leave within a cloud of smoke crawling off of your lips. Who are we to judge those who relieve stress in a different manner? Although some might call it disgusting, as long as it doesn't hinder your everyday work and progress, go right ahead. Sometimes it does hinder your life negatively; the harsher of the range of drugs, the more addictive, the more negative the influence can be on your mind, depending on how strongly you resist the powerful grasp of addiction. I honestly can't really grasp the idea of addiction, or drugs in all, because I haven't delved deep into that world. Some don't surface from the cold waters of peer pressure and doubt of one's own self. Many children my age and older use drugs, alcohol and other methods to gain an entry into the world of "coolness" leaving morals and self respect behind to join the soulless and empty people that once were aspiring minds. If I was their mothers, I'd allow them to explore that risky world while at home, because if you fuck up out there in the world, there won't be anyone there to save you. Now don't get me wrong, people who do drugs are not a separate race of people or suddenly change their whole personalities because of drugs, they are them, them are they (haha, just kidding.) they're still people, just chose to do drugs, there is nothing wrong with that. It's just that if you let those intoxicants become your reason, or building block to climb the social ladder, then there is something wrong with you and your socializing skills that you would need those tools to gain access to more people on your friends list. ( Ohkay let me edit this, I don't mean ALL drugs are relaxants, I meant the psychoactive drugs that have a more calmer effect than the others.)

3) Sex is such a touchy subject, it's crazy. Why are girls called whores because they want to have sex a little earlier than others? Waiting till marriage is such a long and drastic time span that most people don't even follow that very opinionated rule.  If you find that special person in your future to share that amazing long lasting connection with, then they'll accept you even with your sexual past or not, because love has no bounds. Sometimes I think it'd be much easier to be married, so I wouldn't have to worry about when I'd get laid next, or when I'd get my next cuddle time, I'd have someone to end my day on a happy note, or a bad one, and I'd have someone to take care of, and vice versa. (But then it'd still be a-okay because we'd work through our problems.) Not everyone wants that yet, and I can understand. But to these young women just learning of their sexuality, don't give it up so quickly. (I haven't had experience for anything either, do not take my full word.) Don't assume that every male is available and willing for you if you slip down your shirt a little, or if you spread your legs for a sneak-peak.  It's better if you allow yourself to someone you trust fully, and know well, and they have the same mutual feeling of love, you'll be much happier with your choice. Now don't get me wrong, I can't predict the future, and not all relationships are ones you won't regret. Too many girls are intoxicated with the lust and powerful charm of sexuality that they become what they once hated, dragged into a world that their bodies control, rather than their minds.  


inb4: tl;dr.
My bad for writing.

I'm thinking about giving my two characters new hairstyles, while I draw them their hair gets super long, 'cause I kind of like how they grow each time that I draw them. c:

First of is Kaeda: fav.me/d40c4mq

The second mother out of all my female characters,
she is a shinigami, but put her job on hold so she could raise her child, now she's raising her child on her own, with a child named Katsakoi, who seems to be romantically interested in Raikaijin (Idk, maybe, they seem like a great couple.)

I'm going to give her a mohawk!
Yes, a Mohawk, why? Why the frank not? She'll look perfect.




Second one: Natsumi ,
she is my Hone-onna, or skeletal woman, her boyfriend/hubby, is Kazuhiko, the self proclaimed demon king, he's an oni, one of the most powerful yokai out there. fav.me/d3kuvm1

Here's the happy couple! ^o^


I'm gonna cut her hair shorrttt as fuuckk from that point. c:
Why? Just trying out new hairstyles.

With love,
Amira <3